I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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