I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
