My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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