In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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