I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize