If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
