Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
