Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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