I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize