fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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