we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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