he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
