I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
