I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
