umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
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I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.