We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time