after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
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It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
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She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.