Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
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she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.