Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.