____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the condom got lost in my hair
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Did we literally take a cab across the street
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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