Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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