But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
