I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
