I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i drank out of a bidet.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Randomize
