I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
