In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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