legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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