Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
