I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
