Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
