I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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