Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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