Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize