You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
