i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All the doctor said was why
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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