he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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