ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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