Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
