I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
