Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
