I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
