Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
