Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize