i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
