So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
