i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
