We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
