I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
