What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
