i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
