Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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