i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you will always have a special place in my vag
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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