The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
