dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
