Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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