does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
