After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
