I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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