remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
