I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
