Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You are a genius and a whore.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
