Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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