I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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