He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
