Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
