party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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