hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
