I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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